Today is such a better day. I know I kick this drum a lot, but a wonderful spouse is sometimes the difference between living and existing. Yesterday, I felt like I had been existing through this recent bout of sicknes, even with wonderful days laced through it. I finally wound up with a terrible "Meghan" headache, (Dennise Huntzinger, you know these, the ones that only you can understand and that your body has tailored to you and that medicine has no effects on...), and my new meds for it caused a bad reaction which caused both me and Allen to miss school (*surprise*.) I was past breaking and so beyond words with self hate, and Allen asked me what to do, (when I gave up on the hospital, didn't want to sit at the med stop, couldn't reach the dr for his advice), and I snapped and took my aggrivation out on him in the snarkiest and unlovingly thoughtless way. At this point, if I were Allen, and if I had already dealt with me for as long as he has, I would have lost it entirely. Instead, he calmly showed me true love and patience.
Not trying to be one of those bloggers that is all like "look at me, I love blah blah blah", but seriously, how many of us truly treasure when we have a spouse that loves us more than they love theirself. I don't mean they take abuse, I was wrong, I am not always this way with Allen, marriage is ebb and flow, 120% attempt on both sides praying that we come out with a total of 100% together. But when you stop and truly look out for what is best for your loved one before yourself, no just what they want, but what they need, it is such a healer of unspeakable wounds. I know I have unspeakable wounds. (And before it sounds like I'm eluding, no, they do not all come from my previous marriage, almost all of them come from before it and were just severely enhanced by my previous marriage/divorce.) But Allen's gentle, tender, selfless love is unlike anything I have ever encountered before. People have seemed to wonder what it was that I saw and desired so strongly in Allen (other than his blatantly OBVIOUS beastly sexy good looks *stopingnow*) and it is this love that I speak of, couple with his wonderful, vibrant personality, his warm humor, his unmatchable spiritual strength, his ability to think so deeply and so outside of himself....I could go on and on. I often feel like Katniss Everdeen, disgusted at my imperfections (although trust me, Allen is the onlyone, I need no Gale, Allen...no Gale...) while looking at his wholeness.
Although I will stop here and add that he can be annoying sometimes. I wouldn't want you to have an unhealthy view of Allen, so here of some of Allen's shortcomings:
1.) He teases his siblings waaay too much.
2.) He argues minutia with me. ("No, this is where that happened" pfft...your WRONG Allen. Haha..)
3.) Every time I say "Let's get the kids to bed.." he hears "Let's toss the kids in the air, give hem candy, play tag, chase them around the house, giggle and laugh, turn them upside down while tickling them and then sit down and wonder why they are no longer tired." Occasionally that is accompanied with "and then fall asleep while they are still run amuck." But that isn't too often....we toss children and toys on him if the latter happens....
Okay, so I'm not REALLY going to name his worse traits, only traitors an divorce-hungry stooges do that, but you get the picture. No one is perfect. But for me, Allen is, and because of him, my today is going much better.
Oh, and since I failed to post it Saturday, my new forever is now really forever. As of September 15th, 2012, Allen and have been sealed for time and all eternity. How's that for happiness, huh? ;)
<3 Meghan
