My love

I realized this morning, as I was dropping Allen off at work, how much I truly love and appreciate him. Not a day goes by that we do not laugh together. He always works so hard to see if he can provide the very best days for the children and I. He is ALWAYS doing what is best for us, which usually ranges from working his butt off, cleaning the house, going to school, biting his tongue when it could be so much easier to spit fire, wiping our tears, being our clown, listening to our every thoughts, striving to be spiritual and honest in every way....i could go on and on. No, he's not perfect. But he is perfect for me and for us. I go to sleep every night with not a drop of fear that he will ever hurt us or leave us. How could I be, he never leaves me with any doubts. He has proven himself to be such a man, I just never thought I would be happy like this, never. I thank God for him in every way. May I ever be worthy of his deep, true love. He is always beyond worthy of mine. I feel so much like a respected, loved, cherished individual, that I cannot even fathom life without him.

In a few weekends, we will be going to the temple and being sealed for time and all eternity. What a blessing. Words, they just do not, they cannot speak what I feel.

That is all. :D

AAaaaaaaaaaAAaaaAAAaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I've been awake since 4am. I have accomplished repairing one stem valve on the faucet, purchasing cat litter and scarfing down 1/3 of a normal sized can of Campbell's Homestyle Chicken Noodle soup. And that last item was a complete accident....didn't realize I was starving. On days like today, I wonder why I ever sleep, I mean, not sleeping and working through the night would mean I accomplish studying, cleaning, painting, reading, praying, thinking, relaxing......you get the picture. I woke up with a to-do list a mile long, assuming that since I didn't have to be at school until 5 tonight, that I would accomplish it. Now I'm famous for my mental list making, but this wasn't even that extreme. It included simple things with titles like "Bathe Scoots and Mari first thing", "Cook Pancakes" (even if it happened for lunch!), and "clean out wallet."
Well, here's the reaction to those attempts:

1. "Bathe Scoots and Mari first thing": Well, that started out normal enough. And since my bathroom comfortably fits my entire family and all my pets, I figured I would just have everyone in the bathroom with me and I would clean it. Allen called me about halfway into the bath water filling up, which was fine, Scooter and Mari were already in the water, gleefully splashing and swimming. I realized that I needed to turn the water off. *cringes* It wouldn't. I mean, the hot side, (that we repaired two weeks ago) turned off just fine. But the cold side, oh the horror. And guess what, no one was here to turn the water off or sit with the kids while I went into the basement myself, not to mention that J.B. (our unofficial pet King Snake) was slinking around down there....long story short, this was the DR (or "Day Ruiner".)

2. "Cook Pancakes": After the faucet nightmare, I decided lunch would be my target time for cooking them, mind you, I use the boxed mix that you just add milk. Well, Ana informed me in a screaming way "I DON'T WANT PANCAKES." FORget it. Nevermind.

3. "Clean out wallet": HAHA! I tried that while waiting on Mammy to arrive with the valve stem.....EPIC HORROR OF HORRIFIC PROPORTIONS! Didn't finish.

To sum it up, the kids are being wild as I type, and that may make me a bad mom, but I needed to get it out, somewhere other than in my little brain's mental ecosystem, there had to be a release.

Now before anyone criticizes me "being so negative", remember that we all have bad days. I'm just a very genuine person and I can admit that pretending that every day is perfect and I'm never unhappy is like going backwards in time to about 2 years ago when I was still living in wonderland, chasing that white rabbit of perfection. Stupid rabbit even had pressed clothes, organic veggies consumed daily and never spoke above the gentle hum of a 1930's television mom's voice.

I'm not rabbit, I'm just a real and honest woman, one who loves her kids, loves her life, adores her husband is so grateful for everything and dreams big, but knows that everyone and everything falls short eventually, life isn't perfect and everything WILL BE OK. (repeats x 3)

Here's to that Math tonight...... @.@

My new forever

Life doesn't always happen like you believe it should. When it changes, take that chance to realize that although your plans were derailed and it is hard to fathom, better things have just come your way. Heavenly Father knows exactly what you need. 

For this constantly revolving section of self discovery in my life- I decided I needed to record it for our memories.